Vent Sesh: When it Rains it Pours

everydaySocial media can be so deceiving. I mean we all know that we post our best selfies (49 takes later), the cutest photo of our kids (even amidst screaming to get it done), fun nights out or solely share highlights from our lives (just because).

But we’re not all this perfect and none of this is reality. Promise. Sharing the real day to day truth is hard. And, awkward. And sometimes feels embarrassing.

But, it’s the hard times that make the good ones shine, and it’s these tough times where these networks we’ve built can really help hold us up when we need it most.

It hasn’t been easy over the years sharing some really intimate moments. This, this and this come to mind. They’re my truths. They’re who I am, love it or not. The support from this community has been profound. What’s really resonated from your comments and personal emails is that while some of my struggles might be a little different than yours, they’re very much the same. And even when you or I have felt isolated, we’re really not (thank you magic of computers and internet, however you work!).

We put on a smile and even with closer friends feel more hesitant than ever to reveal out truths, even behind closed doors or behind computer screens. It’s like it either needs to be catastrophically horrible or we’re doing well. LIke we don’t want to admit to our perfect Pinterest (made up) world that while things are generally OK, you’re hurting inside. That even though there are these fab quotes that today I choose joy, and I’m trying (I know I am), it’s not quite that simple.

If I’m being honest, this past month has been challenging. Not in some big catastrophic way, just little things that have added up. I know, I’m blessed. We’re supposed to say that and I certainly am. I have so many incredible things in my life that I sometimes don’t know how I got so lucky. But, it doesn’t mean we’re not entitled to feel like shit sometimes. It’s valid. And ignoring it doesn’t help anyone.

I recently starting visiting my therapist again (you know, the one I once referred to as my secret bff!) because I wholeheartedly believe mental health is just as critical as physical health. The key is to go regularly when you’re in good spirits instead of only when you’re desperate for it.  Yet, I get it. It’s easy to cancel that appointment when your world is shining. Been there.

A few weeks ago I couldn’t ignore the feeling that my world was just a little crumbling. So instead of letting it out on my husband (again), I went for an unbiased ear to hear me out, and hopefully provide constructive thought.

Everything is generally “great” (is that word over-used or what?!) but yet it’s not. Part of it is self imposed. I have a habit of taking on too much; I mean who wants to say no to an awesome opportunity?  I need to take my own advice more often, and am proud that I’ve already started cutting out what I can.

Much of my struggles is that this summer has been one massive transition. Many for good, like my mom getting remarried (he and his family are awesome), and our daughter starts kindergarten in less than two weeks. The latter, which felt so far away, feels like it’s rushing toward me.

Our son started camp/school, and we transitioned to a new part-time nanny for afternoons, after our previous nanny just had a baby. Welp, our new nanny on Monday gave notice, sadly to some family circumstances. I’m now frantically on the hunt again for help. I’ve also had some staff changes at my PR office. I’ve done more interviews this month than you can imagine. (I can imagine Starbucks is thanking me for my patronage!).

And then it’s the little things that get to me. I cracked my iPhone again, I keep forgetting things, including my bathroom stuff (which I need to help me pee) at random restaurants, which I had so rarely done in the past. It’s just indicative that I’m scattered and despite us going to Vermont for a fab trip this summer, I really need a break, a little vacation, before fall hits, and it’s not going to happen.

I’m not saying any of this for a pity party for me. The point is that we all have our moments. When it rains it pours and right now, it’s pouring over here. It’s easy to think you’re the only one in the weeds with all this piling up little stuff, dealing with bs and frustration, but you’re not. It’s just that we don’t put those parts of us out there more regularly. But we’re all human and this is the reality. I wish people would. I feel like I’d have more to chat about if we could all admit it, instead of hearing the generic from someone, “life’s great, you know so busy and crazy!, you?!” <— too much

There’s been so many beautiful moments amidst the crazy and admitting that you’re not as happy as you can be is the only way you can work toward finding more of that genuine happiness. For me, I’m saying no, I’m prioritizing, I’m not blogging as much (taking more of a break this month; thanks in advance for understanding!) and I’m going to continue finding mini pampering and indulgences (thank you groupon specials!) since I can’t get away for a night or weekend. I’ve also made a follow-up with my therapist. So that’s that, and that’s me.

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    Vent Sesh: Everything You Can Imagine | The Average Girl's Guide
    August 31, 2015 at 5:00 AM

    […] where you don’t know what to do next. And, even just a few weeks ago I wrote about how I was struggling in  a million little ways. But, if you push yourself to do what you were destined for, the world […]

  • Reply
    August 28, 2015 at 6:20 PM

    Thanks Allyson. Your mom suggested I read this post.
    Believe it or not a woman who is nearing retirement who has a full life, career and lives in a wonderful home can feel uncertain and confused. We all have ups and downs and mental health especially for women is so important. Luckily we have friends to talk with most of the time. You are right about getting an unbiased ear and there is just so much you can keep telling your spouse.
    Good work Allyson!!
    We are all in the same boat and the hormones act crazy sometimes as well.
    I hope you are doing well and it was great to see you last month!!

    • Reply
      August 30, 2015 at 6:57 PM

      We are all definitely in the same boat — I’ve found counseling immensely helpful, more than I can put into words — and something I wish I made more time for more often. Hope you get clarity on your next phase. I can imagine it’s exciting and confusing all in one. Sending you hugs! — Alyson

  • Reply
    August 19, 2015 at 1:04 PM

    You always seem to the hit the spot. Thanks for sharing. XOXO

  • Reply
    August 12, 2015 at 11:18 AM

    I’ve felt exactly the same way. Just this morning I was thinking I feel so lost and drowning in the day to day. I think it’s the post July slump, reality hits and work and responsibilities pile up after summer fun and I’m left feeling frazzled, over worked and a little empty quite frankly. Then I got hit hard with some nasty comments on both my blog and Instagram yesterday and it was just ENOUGH for me. You know? Glad I’m not the only one who has to sometimes step out of the craziness for a moment of clarity and a deep breath. We ARE so blessed. That is where I need to keep my focus.

  • Reply
    Outfit: Girls' Night Out | The Average Girl's Guide
    August 12, 2015 at 5:00 AM

    […] fab girlfriends?! Fool proof. The timing was perfect, as I went the night I posted the most recent Vent Sesh (loving your comments so much; we’re clearly all in this together)… the night boosted […]

  • Reply
    Sarah T
    August 10, 2015 at 12:57 PM

    Couldn’t be more in agreement. I posted something similar to this on Instagram (the great deceiver that everything is “perfect” ;). the other day. Sometimes life isn’t always sunshine and roses. It’s hard and you’re definitely right, that makes the good moments sweeter but when you’re in the midst of the “hard” part, it’s difficult to see that. I’m definitely feeling emotionally overwhelmed too so I feel you girl.

  • Reply
    August 7, 2015 at 8:57 AM

    And this is why I (and everyone else) love you SO much! But on your annoying days remember how much you are admired (not only by me, but by LOTS) because of your amazing accomplishments! I only dream to own my own PR firm – you are a STAR! 🙂


  • Reply
    August 7, 2015 at 12:19 AM

    Honest and refreshing to hear it. Everyone goes through times like these, but like you said, if asked, we all respond “oh we’re good. Busy…life is just crazy! You know how it is.” When really we want to say “I feel like I’m drowning over here! I’m barely keeping my head above water and I need a break! I need to sit and relax, but then the relaxing gives me anxiety because I should be doing the 1000 things on my to do list! Help!” I mean, I don’t think it’s just me wanting to say that sometimes!!!!

    Hang in there. Keep repeating “and this too shall pass” and ask for help if you can!

    Good luck with kindergarten!!!!!!!! I have 2 years before that happens here and I’ve cried at every first day of school since the August I was pregnant with her! I know. I need to get it together. 😉

  • Reply
    August 6, 2015 at 3:44 PM

    Hugs to you! I totally get it…even though life is generally good, so many little things often add up into one big disaster. I’m glad you have someone you can talk to…and thanks for being so honest!

  • Reply
    Madeline // Style Me Thrifty
    August 6, 2015 at 1:12 PM

    Love love love this post. Thank you for being so honest & open. In addition to sharing awesome outfits, you’re one of my favorite bloggers because of how REAL you are. Life IS hard, despite what our Instagram feeds show. Being a grown up well, sucks sometimes. But judging by the other comments, we’re all in it together, right? Hugs!

  • Reply
    August 6, 2015 at 11:31 AM

    I love everything about this post Alyson! I think us ladies take on too much sometimes I know that’s the case for myself. I think it’s brave to be honest and own your sh*t lol!

    My little one is starting kindergarten also I’m excited but gosh where has the time gone?! I have a list of to-do stuff random not life changing stuff {family photo wall, actually print photos and have a photo album} lately I’ve been overwhelmed by this long to-do list I create in my head it’s awful. It’s refreshing to know that I’m not the only one 🙂

    Cheers to you for being honest + present {+ to pampering yourself a little more!}

    – Michelle | CupcakesCocktailsAndKids.com

  • Reply
    August 6, 2015 at 11:22 AM

    I am sorry you are feeling this way!! I think as a working mom, when there are childcare changes/uncertainty thrown into the mix.. it makes daily stresses feel like SO much more. (if that makes sense?) So if you are already overwhelmed, the whole nanny/school/camp things must make it even worse! I hope all this passes quickly and that you get back to your “balance” soon!! 🙂

  • Reply
    August 6, 2015 at 10:38 AM

    I totally get the not being able to say no and feeling pulled. I have felt that especially this summer. Yesterday, for example, I drove to work feeling like I could just break down and cry and I kept thinking “Why do I feel this way? I have a great life! So blessed!” And it’s true. I am, and about 95% of the time those Facebook/Instagram posts are pretty indicative of our reality. But it’s so much work to keep everything going. And sometimes I just want it to stop so that I can snuggle on the couch with my kid for a few more minutes or so that I can actually see my husband who has worked until midnight every night this week or so that I can take a deep breath. Needless to say, I feel you. I feel scattered and tired and all of it.

  • Reply
    August 6, 2015 at 10:02 AM

    Thank you for your honesty. None of us are perfect and we’ve all been in that place where we just can’t handle it.

    I for one, rarely have it all together. I’m totally bubbly and colorful on the outside, but I am super anxious and full of panic attacks just ready to happen. And all it takes is one or two things and I’m a mess.

    You’re right though, we’re never alone, and writing and posting posts like this are so wonderful because they just further demonstrate that we all have our weaknesses, and those weaknesses certainly don’t make us weak!

    Hugs for you!

  • Reply
    August 6, 2015 at 9:38 AM

    Love your willingness to be so transparent here – we all have those moments and we do ourselves a favor when we share them with others because it helps us all realize that “having it all together” is highly overrated. Praying that the break you’re taking will recharge & relax you + here’s to hoping you find a new nanny/employees soon! xoxo


  • Reply
    August 6, 2015 at 9:25 AM

    THANK YOU!!! You’re honesty is refreshing!! I dealing with a bunch of stuff too ~ too kids in college, financial aid issues, job changes for me, a 15 pound weight gain despite healthy eating and daily exercise, a kid with a chronic illness that rears it’s ugly head just when you feel like it’s all ok… But you’d never know from my blog or Instagram! I feel like people will only follow and like me if I’m “perfect”. I’m in the process of letting some things go and doing what’s best for me and my family. Your blog post was perfect timing!

  • Reply
    August 6, 2015 at 7:40 AM

    Thank you for sharing! If everyone could be this honest, the world would be a much different place. I hope you enjoy your “you” time, and it gives you the much needed space to regroup.

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