6 In Family/ LIFE/ Vent Sesh

Adoption Update: Love Beyond Measure

A Personal Adoption Update // the modern savvy

I was recently looking at Evan and thought, wow, look at this life we created.

He is so perfect. He is such an angel. And he’s all ours.

It was such a pure, innocent moment, and one where my thoughts took me off guard.

He’s what makes our family complete.

Yet those delicious little fingers, perfect round cheeks and piercing blue eyes didn’t grow in my belly.

They grew in my heart.

It’s been three and a half years since Evan was born, three and a half years since I watched his birth mother have a c-section to bring him into this world.

It was the most beautiful moment I have, and likely will ever, experience.

Being able to watch your baby being born, particularly after the heartache it took to get there, was such a gift and blessing.

I feel that even more now in hindsight than I could have possibly appreciated in that moment.

There were so many times leading up to that day, and more than one or two times after, that I prayed we were making the right decision.

I even prayed I would love him as much as he deserves.

Adoption is a beautiful thing. For the birth mother, it’s an insanely selfless, and I’m sure painfully difficult decision that I candidly could never imagine making.

For me, adoption was simply never in my life plan.

When you’re young you assume that if and when you’re ready for having kids, you’ll get pregnant and make it happen.

With age, comes wisdom… and reality. We know it’s not that easy.

I’m sharing this update, the first in two years because more and more recently I’ve seen some friends struggle with trying to get pregnant and decide to quietly contemplate if adoption will be part of their revised family journey.  I realize that I now can’t imagine life without this selfless act of love that brought Evan into our world.

I find myself kissing his cheeks with fervor. I live for the moments our insanely active little boy pauses, letting me soak him in and all who he is. His laugh is so good and sweet and incredible that I swear it would go viral if I put it on YouTube. And his smile radiates with such happiness you can’t help but feel lifted in his presence.

I am OK to admit that I struggled with our revised family reality as it was coming to fruition a few years ago. Parts of it felt so formal, like a business transaction and not knowing if it will fall through (we had one that did), really guards your heart. It takes a long time to break those walls. At least it did for me.

Over time though, my heart has opened beyond even what I thought was possible. While don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of “average parent” problems with thrown food, insane temper tantrums, and our current love of the word “poop” (seriously, every song has been replaced by the word poop) where I just want to hide in a locked bathroom!, it literally feels like my heart can burst thinking about my love for him; tears… a current physical manifestation of how much my insides love him.

There’s so much about my health diagnosis that doesn’t seem fair — but one thing is for sure — without it, Evan wouldn’t be ours.

And that’s a life this mom can’t imagine.

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  • Reply
    Sue K.
    March 29, 2017 at 3:02 PM

    Both of my children are adopted. They came to me when they were 6 and 8 and the adoption was finalized when they were 8 and 10 (can you imagine giving your kids away at that age?!) but they are MINE. There is no doubt this was all planned and exactly the way it was supposed to be. If you think you forget he is adopted now, just wait, I now have grand babies, once that happens it’s even more real.
    Recently I’ve had several friends actually say “it’s different when they are your own”. These are people who know my situation and I think it’s hurtful and cruel. Guard your heart. People can be so unkind.

  • Reply
    Heidi
    March 26, 2017 at 8:31 PM

    Thank you for sharing more of your story Alyson! Life never seems to go as we plan and hope but a selfless act of pure love gave you such an amazing family. He is a beautiful boy and so lucky to have you as his mom. Xo

  • Reply
    Stephanie
    March 24, 2017 at 10:36 PM

    love this post. thank you so much for sharing. he is adorable

  • Reply
    Shira
    March 24, 2017 at 10:43 AM

    This is so touching and beautiful Alyson! Evan is such a sweetie!

    http://asequinloveaffair.com

  • Reply
    DIANNE
    March 24, 2017 at 6:56 AM

    Thank you for writing this on your blog. There are couples out there that are trying to make that decision which is a hard decision. I myself did not have to go thru this but I know a lot of couples that did.

    He is adorable and so sweet. I know that you are so proud of him. Just watch him grow each day and let him know that you love him no matter what he does.

    God Bless You and Your Family.

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    March 24, 2017 at 5:54 AM

    This brought me to tears – especially because I watched all those years as you fought to complete your family. I will never forget the day you called me & told me the first adoption had fallen through. But, it obviously happened for a reason because Evan was so clearly meant to be yours. It makes my heart happy to see how everything worked out (and to hear his sweet laugh on Snapchat – you’re right, it would go viral)!

    http://www.pennypincherfashion.com

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