Vent Sesh: When it’s All Too Much

I’ve said yes to too much. It can be hard to prioritize or say no when sometimes it feels like so many good, cool, interesting things are coming your way. You don’t want to miss out. FOMO to the extreme, right?

Yet, there’s something happening here that I don’t like.

I don’t like that I feel like some days I hardly see my kids, or don’t see them at all.

I don’t like that I’m racing around to meetings to give everyone my everything. All the time.

I don’t like that it often feels like I’m serving everyone else but me.

Yet, I sometimes feel insanely selfish. Why should indulging in a TV show or two that makes me happy feel selfish? Going to the gym? Running to Target? It’s hardly like I’m taking lavish vacations by myself yet in this growing society of giving, giving, giving and busy, busy, busy, even mundane tasks or a moment of much-needed relaxation that your body literally needs, can feel selfish when they’re necessities.

That’s not fair to me. And, it’s not fair to everyone else. I give my smile and my happiness all day long but it’s not exactly how I’m feeling on the inside. I’m feeling scattered, a little frazzled and frustrated. I’m feeling like social media and this blog and everything is so public and supposed to be all happy and put-together, and that everyone judges and evaluates every aspect of my life, but life isn’t that simple. Many moments are real, but they’re never telling the whole story.

And, I know I’m not the only one. I’ve had so many conversations with friends who feel the same. Who are knee deep in who knows what, some awesome and some sucky, and just put on a smile and say life is good. Why do we do this?

And, it’s like, how do you get yourself out of that “too much” feeling when you’re already knee deep in it? You can’t just pull out and say screw you to everyone. And, I wouldn’t want to.

The only thing I know how to do right now is plan. It’s not making me insanely happier or less “eh” at the moment, but it’s giving me clarity.

I’m creating, at least in my head so far, my one and five year personal vision. CEO’s do this for companies so I’m doing it for my life. I’m open with bits of it, and other parts of my vision are just for me and those closest to me.

Where do I want ME to be? If you’re at all feeling like this, where do you want YOU to be?

For me, how does my family, this blog, my PR company, my volunteerism and everything else fall into place?

I don’t have all the answers but being honest with myself about what I really, truly want, and that I’m not really as happy as I can be, is the first step.

I’m only 35. I have a long way to go. As much as there are those mantras about regretting a year from now what you could have started today, stop. Breathe. Not everything has to happen today. There is tomorrow, and there is our sanity.

Women, moms try to be all things to all people. My husband constantly asks how he can help but it’s my mental list of crap that has to get done — order diapers, register kids for this, buy the yearbook, confirm babysitter, buy more granola bars, schedule cleaning, make kid’s doctor appointments, etc., that add up to a nearly full time job.

It’s exhausting to do it all, and put on this cool mom “I’m balancing it all” front at the same time. Let’s be honest with each other. I would hate that someone would think they should do more because they think I can keep all this shit together. I’m trying to figure it out, find my happiness, my balance and prioritize what what matters most. Aren’t we all?