9 In LIFE/ Vent Sesh

Vent Sesh: When it’s All Too Much

I’ve said yes to too much. It can be hard to prioritize or say no when sometimes it feels like so many good, cool, interesting things are coming your way. You don’t want to miss out. FOMO to the extreme, right?

Yet, there’s something happening here that I don’t like.

I don’t like that I feel like some days I hardly see my kids, or don’t see them at all.

I don’t like that I’m racing around to meetings to give everyone my everything. All the time.

I don’t like that it often feels like I’m serving everyone else but me.

Yet, I sometimes feel insanely selfish. Why should indulging in a TV show or two that makes me happy feel selfish? Going to the gym? Running to Target? It’s hardly like I’m taking lavish vacations by myself yet in this growing society of giving, giving, giving and busy, busy, busy, even mundane tasks or a moment of much-needed relaxation that your body literally needs, can feel selfish when they’re necessities.

That’s not fair to me. And, it’s not fair to everyone else. I give my smile and my happiness all day long but it’s not exactly how I’m feeling on the inside. I’m feeling scattered, a little frazzled and frustrated. I’m feeling like social media and this blog and everything is so public and supposed to be all happy and put-together, and that everyone judges and evaluates every aspect of my life, but life isn’t that simple. Many moments are real, but they’re never telling the whole story.

And, I know I’m not the only one. I’ve had so many conversations with friends who feel the same. Who are knee deep in who knows what, some awesome and some sucky, and just put on a smile and say life is good. Why do we do this?

And, it’s like, how do you get yourself out of that “too much” feeling when you’re already knee deep in it? You can’t just pull out and say screw you to everyone. And, I wouldn’t want to.

The only thing I know how to do right now is plan. It’s not making me insanely happier or less “eh” at the moment, but it’s giving me clarity.

I’m creating, at least in my head so far, my one and five year personal vision. CEO’s do this for companies so I’m doing it for my life. I’m open with bits of it, and other parts of my vision are just for me and those closest to me.

Where do I want ME to be? If you’re at all feeling like this, where do you want YOU to be?

For me, how does my family, this blog, my PR company, my volunteerism and everything else fall into place?

I don’t have all the answers but being honest with myself about what I really, truly want, and that I’m not really as happy as I can be, is the first step.

I’m only 35. I have a long way to go. As much as there are those mantras about regretting a year from now what you could have started today, stop. Breathe. Not everything has to happen today. There is tomorrow, and there is our sanity.

Women, moms try to be all things to all people. My husband constantly asks how he can help but it’s my mental list of crap that has to get done — order diapers, register kids for this, buy the yearbook, confirm babysitter, buy more granola bars, schedule cleaning, make kid’s doctor appointments, etc., that add up to a nearly full time job.

It’s exhausting to do it all, and put on this cool mom “I’m balancing it all” front at the same time. Let’s be honest with each other. I would hate that someone would think they should do more because they think I can keep all this shit together. I’m trying to figure it out, find my happiness, my balance and prioritize what what matters most. Aren’t we all?

 

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  • Reply
    Stephanie
    November 6, 2015 at 2:27 PM

    Love this post ! When you said “Women, moms try to be all things to all people.” You are so right! I feel just like you do, I feel selfish when I watch something I want. Or when I go on a “mommy dayout” We need to remember too that we can have things too. Never feel bad when you do for you!!!!

  • Reply
    Andi
    November 6, 2015 at 11:59 AM

    Amen! I so needed to read this today in the moment. Wish I could e-hug you!!!

  • Reply
    Wishes & Reality
    November 6, 2015 at 11:42 AM

    These are some of my favorite post of yours. Everything is always so relatable and it reflects what so many are feeling, including myself. It’s so hard to say no and as women we often beat ourselves up when we do. I too am trying to become a better planner and better at managing my time.

  • Reply
    Erin
    November 6, 2015 at 11:08 AM

    This post is so amazingly true. I am a full-time working Mom and to say I get over-stressed and overwhelmed at times is an understatement. You said it best, “Women, moms try to be all things to all people. ” Sooooooo true! That’s the hardest part. How do we find balance and how do we manage it all in a society of social media that portrays the idea that you have to do it all? I love your idea of creating a plan for yourself. That is such a great solution. I hope that we all get to a point where doing things for ourselves doesn’t feel like a bad thing but is necessary to our and everyone else’s well-being too. Bravo to you for this post. Being honest about this makes me love your blog even more!!

  • Reply
    Ashley
    November 6, 2015 at 10:35 AM

    Love this post! I feel exactly the same sometimes. I work full time and have a small side business. I want my business to grow so I say yes to almost every job that comes my way. Then I’m left feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. I don’t even have kids yet! I want to have a child but I can’t possibly see how I’m going to have time to raise one. I get depressed sometimes because I just miss having time with my husband, I miss zumba and working out, I miss meal prepping and even just buying groceries. I seriously feel like taking a shower is so inconvenient. I’m still showering, guys!! But I always feel like I don’t have the time to do it and it’s interfering with my work ! Haha… Just glad to be relating to you all 🙂

  • Reply
    Carole
    November 6, 2015 at 10:29 AM

    I just wrote about something similar the other day. How in this day & age, all of us engaged in social media, we present our best & shiniest selves, but it’s all freaking HARD and being a working mother is a huge juggle.
    I’m 10 years your senior and my kids are 12- 16. It’s still nuts. Little things get easier but at this point, your hormones start to go nuts and you have kids applying to college and the intensity of it all shifts, but remains.
    I hope you learn, long before I did, that you DO deserve time to yourself and that it’s more than okay to indulge a rough mood here and there.

  • Reply
    Alyssa
    November 6, 2015 at 9:36 AM

    I absolutely love your Vent Sesh posts. They’re very important! I’m not a mom, I’m not a business owner, and I deal with this too. A lot of us do no matter our circumstances. There are definitely people out there that seem to be able thrive on having everything to do and they love working on everything at the eleventh hour, but that is not me. I need time to breathe and be.

    Have you seen that car commercial that says, “When did it become an act of courage to leave work on time?” It sounds so silly, but that commercial really speaks to me! Even though I’m often to work 15-20 minutes early, and probably don’t always take my full allotted lunch hour, I often feel guilty when I shut my door at 5:01 p.m. and start the trip home. It shouldn’t be like that, just like you shouldn’t feel guilty when you need a glass of wine and an hour on the couch with Scandal, or the Mindy Project, or whatever you like to watch. But also get that it feels in Sometimes in the evening I look at the clock, realize it’s 8:30, I still have yet to shower and I haven’t sat down in hours!

    Whew, that was a long comment! All I meant to say is I’m totally with you here!

  • Reply
    Cait B
    November 6, 2015 at 9:07 AM

    Thank you so much for this. It was exactly what I needed today. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately with my ever-growing to-do list and I think I just need to take a step back and breathe. I appreciate your vent seshes – they are refreshingly honest!

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    November 6, 2015 at 8:15 AM

    I couldn’t agree more with this post and have been feeling so much of the same lately. The holidays always bring on more activities & events and I want to make sure that in the midst of the craziness, I am still building in time for the things that make me happy (& sane!). Love your honesty here and think we need to hear more of this!

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