Social media can be so deceiving. I mean we all know that we post our best selfies (49 takes later), the cutest photo of our kids (even amidst screaming to get it done), fun nights out or solely share highlights from our lives (just because).
But we’re not all this perfect and none of this is reality. Promise. Sharing the real day to day truth is hard. And, awkward. And sometimes feels embarrassing.
But, it’s the hard times that make the good ones shine, and it’s these tough times where these networks we’ve built can really help hold us up when we need it most.
It hasn’t been easy over the years sharing some really intimate moments. This, this and this come to mind. They’re my truths. They’re who I am, love it or not. The support from this community has been profound. What’s really resonated from your comments and personal emails is that while some of my struggles might be a little different than yours, they’re very much the same. And even when you or I have felt isolated, we’re really not (thank you magic of computers and internet, however you work!).
We put on a smile and even with closer friends feel more hesitant than ever to reveal out truths, even behind closed doors or behind computer screens. It’s like it either needs to be catastrophically horrible or we’re doing well. LIke we don’t want to admit to our perfect Pinterest (made up) world that while things are generally OK, you’re hurting inside. That even though there are these fab quotes that today I choose joy, and I’m trying (I know I am), it’s not quite that simple.
If I’m being honest, this past month has been challenging. Not in some big catastrophic way, just little things that have added up. I know, I’m blessed. We’re supposed to say that and I certainly am. I have so many incredible things in my life that I sometimes don’t know how I got so lucky. But, it doesn’t mean we’re not entitled to feel like shit sometimes. It’s valid. And ignoring it doesn’t help anyone.
I recently starting visiting my therapist again (you know, the one I once referred to as my secret bff!) because I wholeheartedly believe mental health is just as critical as physical health. The key is to go regularly when you’re in good spirits instead of only when you’re desperate for it. Yet, I get it. It’s easy to cancel that appointment when your world is shining. Been there.
A few weeks ago I couldn’t ignore the feeling that my world was just a little crumbling. So instead of letting it out on my husband (again), I went for an unbiased ear to hear me out, and hopefully provide constructive thought.
Everything is generally “great” (is that word over-used or what?!) but yet it’s not. Part of it is self imposed. I have a habit of taking on too much; I mean who wants to say no to an awesome opportunity? I need to take my own advice more often, and am proud that I’ve already started cutting out what I can.
Much of my struggles is that this summer has been one massive transition. Many for good, like my mom getting remarried (he and his family are awesome), and our daughter starts kindergarten in less than two weeks. The latter, which felt so far away, feels like it’s rushing toward me.
Our son started camp/school, and we transitioned to a new part-time nanny for afternoons, after our previous nanny just had a baby. Welp, our new nanny on Monday gave notice, sadly to some family circumstances. I’m now frantically on the hunt again for help. I’ve also had some staff changes at my PR office. I’ve done more interviews this month than you can imagine. (I can imagine Starbucks is thanking me for my patronage!).
And then it’s the little things that get to me. I cracked my iPhone again, I keep forgetting things, including my bathroom stuff (which I need to help me pee) at random restaurants, which I had so rarely done in the past. It’s just indicative that I’m scattered and despite us going to Vermont for a fab trip this summer, I really need a break, a little vacation, before fall hits, and it’s not going to happen.
I’m not saying any of this for a pity party for me. The point is that we all have our moments. When it rains it pours and right now, it’s pouring over here. It’s easy to think you’re the only one in the weeds with all this piling up little stuff, dealing with bs and frustration, but you’re not. It’s just that we don’t put those parts of us out there more regularly. But we’re all human and this is the reality. I wish people would. I feel like I’d have more to chat about if we could all admit it, instead of hearing the generic from someone, “life’s great, you know so busy and crazy!, you?!” <— too much
There’s been so many beautiful moments amidst the crazy and admitting that you’re not as happy as you can be is the only way you can work toward finding more of that genuine happiness. For me, I’m saying no, I’m prioritizing, I’m not blogging as much (taking more of a break this month; thanks in advance for understanding!) and I’m going to continue finding mini pampering and indulgences (thank you groupon specials!) since I can’t get away for a night or weekend. I’ve also made a follow-up with my therapist. So that’s that, and that’s me.