18 In LIFE/ Vent Sesh

I Saw You Judge Me

I See You Judge Me; moms, a great read from one mom about how we never really know why a kid is crying or acting out. Read this before your next eye roll.

My son wouldn’t sit still.

He was talking when he wasn’t supposed to.

And, despite all my strategic pleas and desperate measures, he refused to sit quietly like the other kids.

I see you looking. And, I feel you judging.

Your eyes tell me, “why can’t she control her kid?”

First, he’s three. There’s no excuse at any age, and there always should be good manners but a three-year old boy doesn’t like to sit still.

If you haven’t had one, don’t even start to judge.

Second, just because you don’t see anyΒ challenges, disorders, ailments or physical reasons why my son behaves this way, let’s remember we’re all dealing with things not visible to the eye.

I have medical issues that cause my skin to burn or feel like pins and needles. It happens while I’m typing this, worse when I’m tired (hello, daily) or cold, and yet I continue about my day.

You don’t see it and I don’t like to belabor about it, but I certainly feel it. And some days I’m sure it affects my mood, even when I don’t realize it.

Similarly, our son has some behavioral and speech stuff we’re working through.

Evan is the sweetest,Β he’s so smart, loves to cuddle and watch Doc McStuffins, is fanatical about all music (especially Adele), has such an impressive ability to dance on beat, is so lovable and only wants to play outside and ride scooters with his sister. He completes our family.

He’s also been working with a speech therapist the past year, and during a series of testing, qualified for additional services related to impulsive behaviors as well.

It’s all about early intervention, and I’m learning every day this process.

But, change doesn’t happen overnight.

He’s three and we’re doing the best we can.

I know you don’t know any of this butΒ I feel your eyes. They burn.

I’ve likely been guilty of the same over the years before I knew better…. to the parent struggling with their kid in the grocery store, or the airport or in the park.

Now, my reaction is different.

Because I know. Honestly, though, it should have been all along.

I now give a smile to a mom whose kid is screaming. I speak up. I tell her I promise I’ve been there, or offer to wheel her cart while she carries her kid.

Every outstretched hand or gracious comment can make another woman feel more accepted, and less alone, frustrated or embarrassed over a situation she has little control over, and promise you, that she likely doesn’t want to be in either.

It’s so easy to make an assumption on someone’s life based on our own experiences but rarely does that paint an accurate, complete picture.

Imagine where we’d be if we were a little kinder, a little more gentle and compassionate?

We’re all in this together. Let’s remember that.

 

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  • Reply
    Karen Charles
    January 10, 2017 at 3:23 PM

    I can totally relate to all you’ve said. My 10yr old son has ADHD and Autism as well as a number of other issues. I see others judge us as a family but have learnt over the years not to let it get to me. People need to remember that just because you can’t see his conditions doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have them and also not be too quick to judge

    • Reply
      Alyson
      January 10, 2017 at 9:41 PM

      It’s so true. It sounds like you’re an incredible mom and as shared, you can’t let the sentiments of ignorant individuals impact your emotions. Easier said than done, but knowing it is a huge victory. Sending hugs, Karen.

  • Reply
    Maggie
    January 9, 2017 at 8:29 PM

    this was me 20 years ago. You know your son and who he is and those who judge without knowing you or him are not worth your angst and time. KUDOS to you for the early intervention. It takes more courage to get the help than think you don’t need to, he will grow out of it, etc. Hang in there. Our son is now 25 years old, a thriving, independent adult so all of the hard work was worth it!

    • Reply
      Alyson
      January 10, 2017 at 9:38 PM

      Kudos to you as well mama! Thank you for the inspiration and the gentle words. I’ve thought about your comment a lot since originally reading it! πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    Heidi
    January 9, 2017 at 8:10 PM

    This could have been me typing this. We’ve had a long and winding road with our beautiful, kind, thoughtful and brave son. The little problems get bigger. But he knows he has our undying love and support and your son will know that too. Good for you for sticking up and. Wing there for other moms, we’re all in this together.

    Heidi || Wishes & Reality

    • Reply
      Alyson
      January 10, 2017 at 9:38 PM

      It sounds like we’re not alone either. There are so many moms struggling in mostly silent frustration yet doing so, so incredibly much for their children. Your undying love and support is the biggest gift of all.

  • Reply
    Morgan @ The Messy Bun Mama
    January 9, 2017 at 8:05 PM

    I swear, some people act like it would kill them to be a little kinder. I fly frequently with my toddler as he visits his bio-dad who lives a little while away. I always get comments, groans, and glares. I want to shout “I HAVE NO CHOICE, THIS IS COURT ORDERED” or just start crying sometimes out of frustration. I just wish people would remember that little kids are hard and we’re doing our best. Thanks for sharing so perfectly some of my own feelings.
    The Messy Bun Mama

    • Reply
      Alyson
      January 10, 2017 at 9:36 PM

      Morgan… that has to be so tough. I’d imagine I’d find myself biting my tongue quite a bit as well. You’re right though, you are doing your best and doing so much for your little guy. He’s lucky to have you!

  • Reply
    ErinG
    January 9, 2017 at 2:58 PM

    So true! I get it – My sons were both in early intervention programs. One is still receiving OT and qualifies for speech, but since he’s easily overwhelmed, we are doing one at a time… Our challenges (these plus some medical ones) have made me a much more compassionate mother (and person) than I would have been otherwise. And I am grateful for that.
    Great post, as always.

    • Reply
      Alyson
      January 10, 2017 at 9:35 PM

      Hi Erin… thanks so much for sharing your story and experience. Sounds like your son is SO incredibly lucky to have you as his mama.

  • Reply
    Adele (not the singer)
    January 9, 2017 at 1:14 PM

    Alyson: once again, you totally hit it on the head. Kindness, understanding and a little bit of compassion goes a long way. Always in awe of your honesty and message…

    • Reply
      Alyson
      January 10, 2017 at 9:32 PM

      Thanks the “not the singer, Adele!” πŸ™‚ Compassion and a sincere smile can change someone’s day.

  • Reply
    Shira
    January 9, 2017 at 10:59 AM

    This is so powerful. People are so quick to judge and they never know the full picture.

    • Reply
      Alyson
      January 10, 2017 at 9:31 PM

      Rarely… there’s often so much more going on behind in the scenes for each of us.

  • Reply
    Rebecca
    January 9, 2017 at 10:58 AM

    Applause for seeing it, sharing it, and not letting it rent too much space in your head.

    • Reply
      Alyson
      January 10, 2017 at 9:31 PM

      Thanks, Rebecca… definitely the hardest part and a work in progress!

  • Reply
    Nichole
    January 9, 2017 at 10:26 AM

    Great post!

    • Reply
      Alyson
      January 10, 2017 at 9:31 PM

      Thank you so much, Nichole!

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